Evan Goldberg

by The Bathtub Project



Date of Interview: June 2, 2016

Name: Evan Goldberg

Age: 30

Pronouns: He/Him/His

Location: Washington, DC


Are you drawn to dark and broken things?

Oh fuck yes. Absolutely. I don’t know why, but I have a sick fantasy of saving someone. And like, I actually appreciate people who have darkness in them, cuz I relate. I’ve been through shit. When someone is dark and you can see it, even if they try to hide it, that’s an awesome sign of vulnerability that I appreciate.

What are you passionate about?

I don’t want to say basketball ‘cuz that’s kind of lame. Dude, just like… self discovery. You know? And learning how to do shit. Understanding that bad shit is gonna happen, but having the ability to work though it. And hopefully learn something from it.

What is the most difficult thing you’ve worked though? 

Woooooooh. I mean recently… I guess that broad who was my girlfriend. You know? Planning on having a baby, and her being pregnant, and she couldn’t stop doing heroin. She got a super late term abortion. SO for like 5 months and some change, thinking I was gonna have a kid and I was all excited. And even knowing that she’s relapsing while she’s pregnant… So that loss sucked. But I figure it just wasn’t meant to be.

What is your greatest strength when it comes to working through things?

Just trying to trust that it’s the way things should be. That it’s the way things are going to be. That it’s the way things are meant to be.

What is your biggest accomplishment?

Owning my own business. That’s my biggest accomplishment. Taking a business from… on the verge of bankruptcy to thriving. So I mean, I almost took it down again, you know? Because I couldn’t stop fucking blowing coke in the bathroom. You know, not showing up for weeks… But now it’s up again and doing amazing. And that’s my biggest accomplishment.

Do you have any thoughts on love?

Yeah, I want to be in love. So bad. I want to be in love SO BAD. I just don’t think I have the ability to. Commitment is my biggest fear, not just that though, my biggest fear is loving someone so hard and falling out of love 10 years later. That’s why I don’t know if I believe in marriage. I see so many people get divorced, you know. Being discontent in a marriage seems like fucking hell. And I’m just too afraid of that. I’ve never met a girl that makes me think different, but the hope that I will is definitely still there. I’ve got some corny, like hopeless romantic in me. Corny as FUCK. But at the same time, I don’t even want a girlfriend. I don’t think I want to get married. I do want to have kids but we can just be friends after. ::laughs::.

What is your biggest fear for the world?

Dude it’s easy man, the world is dying. I’m afraid that we’re destroying Mother Earth. Because we are. But she’s going to fight back. Mother Earth’s to fucking strong. She’s to strong an entity. And she’s GOING to fight back against the fucking plague, against the fucking virus that is the human race. We are parasites. You know? We take land and destroy it and move on. She’s gonna fight back and it’s going to be some sort of sickness or like some sort of crazy ass shit that goes down. Not in our lifetime but that’s what I strongly believe. She’s not going to just go down. She’s going to wipe us out and we deserve that.

If you could say anything to your 15 year old self what would it be?

Dealing drugs isn’t cool. You’re not going to make it BIG TIME. You’re too much of a pussy. Stop. Yeah dude, get your shit together. Don’t fail out of school, stop getting high all the time. And dealing drugs ISN’T FUCKING COOL, you aren’t like, THE man. Dumbass.