Doughnut Spanker

by The Bathtub Project

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Name: Doughnut Spanker

Age: 28

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

How often do you bathe or shower?

Preferably, once every other day. If not, sometimes I’ll shower once a day. Depending. Depending on how gross I feel.

If you were an underwater creature, which one would you be?

MMMMMMmmm. Oh man. What would I be? I probably… I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to be a crab. I kinda want to be a clown fish because I could swim through the anemones. It would be cool to be a horseshoe crab. EELS [laughter]. Eels. I would be an eel. An electric one. There we go, thought completed [laughter].

What are you passionate about?

I’m passionate about baking, number one. I’m passionate about loving myself and other people and showing them kindness, being grateful for the humans who are in my life. Showing them as often as I can that I appreciate them. Music. Whole lot of music. I don’t think I could get through life without it. Sometimes it can drive people insane [laughter]. I’m all over the place musically. My coworker once said “You go from Gillian Welch to Death”. My music taste goes everywhere in between, so people don’t really know what they’re going to get from me. Hopefully, they’re getting me on a good day. Otherwise you’ll be listening to really sad, sappy music or heavy, hardcore deathmetal kind of stuff. I like dancing too. Dancing gets the positive energy flowing through me; making my day flow easily.

How did your passion for baking arise?

My dad would often bake when I was little, and I was always on the counter watching him put together recipes.I wanted to learn what he was doing. He was really passionate about it, even though it wasn’t what he did for work. He baked because he liked doing it. I saw the gratitude that he had when something would come out right, he’d get super stoked. Rolling up cinnamon rolls, pies, cookies. My favorite was when he’d make bagels. I wanted feel that same feeling that he had, the smile on his face, the way he’d learn if he’d fucked something up. The feeling is definitely there. I’m living on his life in a way. I’m carrying his passions with me and making them my own.

What is something you still struggle with?

Jeez. Putting out too much for people that don’t really care about me and not recognizing it at first. Putting myself in situations that are unhealthy for my being, my mental health. It’s gotten better on the physical health end, like with the drinking and drug usage. I’d say recognizing what people deserve from me. That is something i struggle with the most.

What is something you feel accomplished with?

Accomplished? I’d say… I turned out to be a pretty decent human being despite things I’ve been through. I don’t know if I feel quite accomplished with anything particularly. Every day is a learning process in everything that I’m doing, there’s never going to be a final product. Every day I’m putting in effort to make things better. To feel more accomplished, so I wouldn’t say I feel particularly accomplished in anything.

What are your thoughts on relationships? Platonic, sexual, familial and otherwise.

I mean. I feel like, every relationship, you need to put in effort to make it what it is. Whether that be friendship, family member, sexual… Communication is definitely key in that. But there are people I don’t talk to for months and months at a time. And it’s like, because we’re so connected on some sort of level, it’s not entirely necessary to communicate with them all the time because the effort we’ve put in has laid out a platform. Showing someone that you appreciate them as a human being makes relationships so much easier. That we are on the same level, that I’m here to be a part of your team. Release expectations, take it as it goes. I feel like sexual relationships are a different kind of connection but they’re still the same. It’s different realm of communication. In my eyes in a sexual relationship, you’re with that person often because you want them to be your partner in life. To have a partner, or a teammate in life, means letting them help you, sharing yourself, climbing the mountains… but never quite reaching the top! [Laughter], I don’t know. it’s all… it’s respect.

What is something you appreciate about yourself?

I’m not good at appreciating myself. Self love! Self love! Ummmm [laughter]. I appreciate that I’m hardworking. That I can do what people ask me to do. That is something that I appreciate about myself. I feel like I appreciate a lot? I appreciate the fact that I’ve worked so hard to get where I am. And recognizing that it’s me that is doing the work. That I can see myself in a higher light than what I used to because I now actually care about myself. So I guess, just recognizing that I’m worth loving because I am a hard worker and someone can appreciated it.