by The Bathtub Project
Name: Shore Grae
How often do you bathe or shower?
Probably too much [laughter]. Like, I really like to shower and that whole process of getting clean. I know realistically you only have to do it a few times a week or so, but if I could do it every day I would. Not wash my hair, but wash my body. Get wet. Yeah.
If you were an underwater creature, which one would you be?
Mmmmm. I used to think I was a seahorse. I used to be really mellow, chill and just go with the flow. But, now I feel like I would be something bigger and bolder. A narwhal or a whale. Still majestically floating around but with presence. Like, “I’m here. Look at me”.
What are you passionate about?
At this point in time, I’m really passionate about trying to live my life positively and authentically. I want to get to a place where I can be who I want and do what I want. Right now, I’m doing that through writing poetry. I love doing it and I don’t get enough time for it but writing is one of my biggest passions. I really enjoy displaying my views as the queer trans person I am through poetry. I really enjoyed writing in middle school and high school but I don’t think I had the proper ways to express myself because at that time there was a part of me that I wasn’t letting out completely. I’m realizing more and more, that I wasn’t really myself during that time. It’s been an ongoing process of learning who I am as I grow and change more and more each day. That’s what makes me passionate about creating. I want to use writing to share my journey with the world. So, through the help of some English teachers and a college professor in poetry, they were really supportive and helped me realize that I had a voice. Like, everyone has their own voice, but that professor noticed I was figuring out my voice and he was really supportive and pushing me towards using it. It helped me find my passion and… through finding my voice in poetry, I was able to figure out that I had a whole other person inside me. So, as I’m learning about myself as a person, I’ve been able to grow that passion. It’s still growing. [Laughter].
What is something that you struggle with?
It’s been a struggle to allow myself to be who I am. I’ve struggled a lot with my gender identity in the past couple of years. Finding out who I really am and allowing myself the chance to play with it. I’ve grown and changed so much in the past couple of years. It was a struggle to realize that I wasn’t happy with my identity, and me not being happy in who I was, was affecting everything in my life. I was making bad life decisions because I wasn’t allowing myself to live freely. I was very unhappy. But I’ve been trying to flip that into a positive feeling. Today I… my relationship with gender is good. It’s generally very positive. I’ve realized that I am slowly transitioning into a female, a trans-woman. My transition has gone really well so far. I’m learning to be more open about it. As a person, I’ve been closed off from everything. Like, with my sexuality and gender. In general, I don’t share a lot with people on a day to day basis. I’m very open and I love talking to people, but I don’t share a lot of what’s happening inside. With my gender identity, I’m learning to be more open. I’m learning how to tell people my pronouns instead of letting them guess based on how I’m dressed. It’s a good relationship and will continue to grow. I still stumble with it, but it’s on the right track.
What are your thoughts on relationships? Platonic, sexual, familial and otherwise.
My relationships are very important to me, which I feel is a very normal thing. My platonic relationships have gone through a complete flip. The people I hang around have completely changed in the past couple of years. The people I am surrounding myself platonically with now have been very supportive of me. They’ve never questioned my changes or been negative. Even the first day I showed up randomly at my local bar in a dress, no makeup, awkward hair, they were totally for it. Wanting me to just, be me. It’s been really nice from a friendship side, to have complete 100% support. When they give me feedback it’s supportive. Like, say a dress doesn’t look right or giving me makeup tips. It’s coming from a place of love and acceptance and wanting to be there with me on this journey. My sexual relationships have been weird. Figuring out how to present myself has made dating pretty awkward, and there was a long time where I wasn’t experiencing anything positive in my love life. But now as a fully-fledged trans-femme person, more people are interested in me and it’s been fun. More people want to take me on dates! Treat me like a real woman [laughter]. Umm, yeah it’s been good. I’m devoting my romantic energy right now towards more positive relationships. For my family, they have been pretty supportive as well. My siblings and parents have just gone with it, they know I’m being me. There has been some concern with my gender and safety due to being targeted while living my life as an out trans person. So there’s been a bit of hardship dealing with that, but I know it’s coming from a place of love and concern. I’ve gotten a lot closer with my family in the last year since I started transitioning. I hope once I fully come out to them as a transwoman, it will still be positive. Yeah.