by The Bathtub Project
Name: Courtney (my real friends call me Corky)
How often do you bathe or shower?
Ummmm. Every other day, usually. Unless I’m feelin’ extra lazy. The it’s like, once a week.
If you were an underwater creature, what would you be?
A manatee. They just look so happy all the time. Nobody fucks with them. They just eat and float all day- sounds like an ideal life to me.
What are you passionate about?
Fooooood. I like to eat food, I like to cook food. I’m not a super deep person ::laughs::.
But I am passionate about my sobriety. Complete and utter demoralization happened. I was waking up in my parents’ bed when I didn’t live there. I was thinking like, “Why did I come here and not go to my own bed?” I would ask them what happened and they would say something around “you came here at four in the morning, crying your eyes out, saying that you don’t know who you are or what to do with your life”. They would ask me if I wanted to go to rehab and I would dip. I was 15 when it started. The second time I ever drank, I woke up in the hospital with a catheter in me. With hypothermia. Alcoholism runs in the family. I’m an alcoholic. I always knew. I kind of used it as fuel. Like, I’m an alcoholic, I’m gonna do what alcoholics do best- drink themselves into oblivion on the daily. Then a physic change happened and I started thinking like “Imma do what alcoholics shouldn’t do”, which is drink. I don’t really know how it happened. I was smoking my last blunt before heading to rehab and started thinking, “this is so superficial. It’s not enjoyable anymore”. I now have relationships I always dreamed of having and even cooler i’m capable of being a good friend, daughter, sister ect.
What do you feel accomplished with?
My sobriety. It’s pretty much all I got ::laughter::.
What’s something you still struggle with?
Definitely a relationship addict. I struggle with being alone. I have so many wonderful friends and bad ass family but crave validation from men. Mmmmmmm I just… I’ll let any guy who gives me attention into my life. Then convince myself that I’m in love with them. I’m not a person yet! It’s fine. Give me a break ::laughter::.
What are your thoughts on platonic and familial relationships?
They’re great. They’re the reason to be alive. Yeah. The people I surround myself with big time affect me. I notice that, if someone I’m hanging out with is going through a body complex, I’ll start having a body complex. If I hang out with someone inspiring, I’ll leave feeling inspired and try to be inspiring for others.
What does support mean to you?
Listening. Unconditional love. They’re both things I’m working on, they aren’t skills I naturally have. We’re working on it- the unconditional love thing. It’s a process, it’s weird ::laughs::. It’s recognizing that others are going through shit in their own lives too. I can’t judge their journey. They’re in a different spot that I’m in and neither are better or worse than the other. And I shouldn’t judge anyone. Everyone deserves love. It’s enlightenment!!! Even Hitler deserves love. He’s sick, he needs help.