exploring vulnerability and transparency one bath at a time

Tag: Baltimore



Date of Interview: March 3, 2017

Name: MJ

Age: 29

Pronouns: Your Choice

Location: Baltimore, MD


How often do you bathe or shower?

Like, if it was a work day I definitely showered. If I’m sick I like to bathe.

If you were an underwater creature, which one would you be?

A crab. I think that crabby is an endearing quality in some people ::laughs::.

What are you passionate about?

Well. This year somebody asked me earlier what my theme for the year was going to be, and I sort of decided it was going to be brutal honesty. It’s not just for myself, but it’s also for the people I engage with and the things I’m trying to do with my life. So, I guess that extends to career stuff and I fucking hate the term “career” but life, geographical places, just… Not buying into the expectations that are put on you generally by your place of life and career. What everyone is expecting of you, for what you should be doing.

How do you live that out?

Well… I’m in the middle of a lot of legal stuff right now. And it’s sort of felt very liberating for me that I feel a lot less engaged in the workplace and that’s okay, I’m making space for myself. Before all this happened, I thought that I would be on my way, moving out of Maryland right now. But I’m pretty stationary right now, for at least another year. I think becoming more open in the way I handle interpersonal relationships, I’ve also thought about with moving state, if it’s a realistic thing or long term, should I think about leaving the country because I don’t know if I could live in the United States to be an old person without being in jail again ::laughs::.

What led you to this point in life?

Umm. I think it’s a lot of timing of things. I can’t say I was necessary doing anything different. I remember, after the elections, some friends were talking about how we think this new era is going to be impacting us on a personal level. And I was serious when I said it, but I was kind of joking, “I think over the next few years we’re going to see a lot of our friends go to jail” ::laughs::. It turned out to be very real ::laughs::. Yeah. And having problems with renewing my work licence because the governing board will see my charging documents and stuff. I don’t even know how my… Like, if I’m going to be able to keep my career and thinking more about workplace agitation and what it means to be a productive member. Like. How I’m going to live going forward after this.

What do you feel accomplished with?

My first few years out of college, I worked my ass off and I saved up enough money that even though the future is frightening, I don’t feel an immediate sense of scare if I lose my job because I have this cushion of being able to figure things out. I want to be able to take care of the other people I was with so we can all be in an okay situation. I got out of a crazy relationship in 2014 and I definitely built up some coping mechanisms. And when you think of coping mechanisms, you think of unhealthy but it’s really been serving for myself. I’ve reached a point where, all of a sudden, I’m poly and it seems super natural to me. I thought I was gonna be an old spinster before ::laughs::. Now I’m realizing that the love I have for somebody, or that somebody has for you is not diminished by simultaneously loving another person. And I feel safer and I rely on dangerous things and self destructive behavior a lot less.

What do you think of relationships? Platonic, sexual and otherwise?

I have love for everybody that I’m involved with. We might not be actual relationships and stuff, but everyone that I’m involved with has a place in my heart. An endearing place. But I really love being independent and I really get off on that. I finally am wielding that. I’ve lived alone for a very long time and I am mostly alone all the time. But I definitely love intimacy. A lot. I guess I’m shy to talk about sex stuff ::laughs::. But yeah, it’s my favorite, I love it, it’s great. Everything’s great. ::laughs::.

Lucas Fendlay

Lucas Fendlay


Date of Interview: October 3, 2016

Name: Lucas Fendlay

Age: 24

Pronouns: They/Them

Location: Philadelphia, PA


How often do you bathe or shower?

Soooo it’s fall right now, but in the winter it’s usually every two or three days, kind of as needed. In summer it’s once a day, sometimes two times a day if I sweat a lot. In the summer I sweat a lot and I hate feeling sweaty. I lift a lot of shit for work, I’m an audio engineer so it’s a lot of hanging speakers and stuff like that so I get sweaty and feel gross.

What are you passionate about?

Lots of stuff. Music and theater primarily, that’s what takes up a lot of my time. I do sound for a lot of plays and read a lot of plays in Philly and that’s some of my favorite things to do. A lot of music and theater, I sing and play in a band called Collect Yourself and that also occupies a lot of my time, being a part of that. I got a drum set when I was six and that was my instrument for a long time, playing percussion in high school jazz band and marching band and stuff. But I got a guitar when I was 12 and I started playing a lot of guitar through that and I sold my drum kit when I was in high school, but I think guitar became my biggest thing so now I mainly play drums and guitar.

Do you think where or how you grew up had an impact on the way you view music?

Where I grew up definitely, family not so much. My dad showed me a lot of the bands that I cared about when I was younger. His favorite band in the world is Pink Floyd and I was floored by them when I was younger, completely blown away. He also listens to a lot of blues and my mom listens to a lot of pop country and radio pop, stuff like that, but when I was growing up she was really into the Talking Heads which was kind of a first touch on punk music maybe…? I don’t know if the Talking Heads are punk but anyway, I think that being where I was growing up was a huge aspect of it. Baltimore has a huge pop punk scene, or did, and I was close enough to DC to get all the Dischord Records bands stuff. I started listening to Black Eyes a lot again and they were one of my favorite bands in 9th and 10th grade, so it’s really interesting seeing how that record aged. It didn’t age so well, but I really like that band. But yeah, I got exposed to a lot of bands growing up near Baltimore.

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

I don’t know. Umm, I was really stoked that moving out of my mom’s house and moving here was successful. My sister just moved out of my mom’s house this year. She’s three years older than me and when I moved out her and my mom fought a lot. They adore each other, but they’re a mom and daughter that fight a lot. So I left and it was weird because I mediated shit a bit at home, so I left and wasn’t able to do that for them anymore but… everyone stayed and it having that was pretty successful. Also moving here to Philly and work with music and theater is really awesome. I wasn’t sure if it was going to work at all and having it work… I’m really happy to be where I’m at right now, it’s really nice.

Do you think that living in Philadelphia has impacted your accomplishments? Professional and otherwise?

Definitely. I couldn’t survive in or near Baltimore and do the work I do, there’s just not enough of a scene there. And in Philly, both in music and in theater scene, it’s one of the best on the east coast. In New York there’s obviously Broadway, but Broadway doesn’t have the types of shows I would be into a whole lot anyways, I do like a lot of American musicals but that’s not what I want to work in primarily. And Philly has a lot, there are 38 different theater companies here that all do dramatically different types of work. So there’s a lot of depth in the stuff I get to do here. If I would have stayed living with my parents, where I was in Maryland it’s an hour away from the city, I didn’t grow up in Baltimore, I just say Baltimore as a landmark, but Philly has everything to do with me being able to do this for a living


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