exploring vulnerability and transparency one bath at a time

Tag: Control

LU LU Canja

LU LU Canja


Date of Interview: August 29, 2016

Name: LU LU Canja

Age: 28

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Location: Washington, DC

If you were an underwater creature which one would you be?

A seahorse. Because the guys carry the babies ::laughs::.

Do you have feelings about having children?

I don’t know, even when I was dating guys I didn’t think I would carry the kid. Hence, the seahorse. It’s never to late to change your mind. I’m giving myself at least five more years, I would love to have kids. But I have a lot of nieces and nephews and… I dunno. Maybe.

What are you passionate about?

Definitely art. Definitely drawing, I appreciate all facets of art and I appreciate people that do it. Cuz it’s a lot of insight into their minds. Whenever I do a drawing and people see it at art shows they’ll ask, you know, what I was thinking when I drew it. And I wasn’t really thinking I just do it and then think of another idea and it becomes layers and layers of ideas. And just… I can get lost in it, there’s rarely ONE idea behind my stuff. I feel, whenever I see other peoples art, there’s… they started out with a basic idea and then it was organic and kept on changing and so I think it’s open. I never like to think to much about other people want it to be unless they have a really grand idea or concept. I think just doing it is enough. Getting it out there. And my family. I got a lot of nephews and nieces and they mean a lot to me. I don’t see them that often which sucks ’cause if it’s been awhile they’re that much taller and smarter and more vocal than before. I just want more time with my family. I’ve been in the delivery room for three out of five of them. The only reason I wasn’t there for the other two was because of work which really bummed me out. You can see a little bit of me in them… ’cause they’re so weird. They’re just… really amazing kids. Real fucking cute too.

When did you start creating work?

I had my first art show about three years ago. But I’ve been doing art, more so, ever since college. I used to draw in high school and got voted Most Artistic, which is so stupid or whatever, but I was excited by it. Kids used to pay me to draw stuff for them. Almost became a tattoo artist because of it, but I didn’t like the idea of people coming in wanting a Playboy Bunny and HAVING to do it. I like to have my own ideas and doing those. I think it’s hard to be a professional artist. Everybody wants something they can’t put down or draw on paper. And it’s our job to try and do it without having their input. I’d rather just do what I want to do without anyone else, I’m such an asshole. I don’t like being told what to do. They sign checks though… They hire you… gotta do their shit.

Is being in control of your life important?

Yes. Otherwise I would just feel lost and kinda crazy up in my head. I’m very… what did my girlfriend call me… she said I’m the most cautious free spirit that she’s ever met and my response is, “How does that make any sense!?” I’m very cautious. Very organized. She thinks I’m free spirited because I’ll change my appearance, but that’s not really hard. And I’m cautious in the sense that I’m very calculating in my next step. And for that, I don’t know. It’s like being an artist and very aware of the moves you’re making. It doesn’t make any sense to me. My friends who are artists who want to go big and go places always think about their next step. And it’s very hard to do that because I don’t know what I want my next step to be. Which makes me crazy. Like I want to move somewhere, but I don’t know where. I want to do this, but I don’t know how. I just make myself crazy.

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

I don’t think I’ve achieved that yet. I’m still waiting for that big lightning bolt to strike me, and I think it will, one day. Just got some work to do.

Julie Outrage

Julie Outrage


Date of Interview: August 20, 2016

Name: Julie Outrage

Age: 28

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Location: Washington, DC


If you were an underwater creature, which one would you be?

I would be a shark. ‘Cuz they’re like, the king of the ocean and I want to be the king, ya know?

Do you feeling like having power and being in control of your life is important to you?

I don’t think that there’s any possibility of having control of your life. So I don’t really mind not having control over things. I’m not a very controlling person in general, but I do like having power. Yeah. Power is strength more than it is control, power is influence. I remember this quote, I was listening to this Kanye West song where the line goes, “no one man should have that much power.” And I was recently reading one of the Malcolm X speeches and I didn’t think Kanye took it from there, but maybe he did because the quote is in there. When the black Islamic group began with Malcolm X, there was a man who was arrested by the police and Malcolm X showed up at the prison with a TON of people and the police were freaked. They were terrified because the black people were mobilized. They were completely fucking horrified. The police were like, “What’s happening? Why are all of these black people here?” and they discussed what was happening with Malcolm X. Malcolm X decided that bringing the group wasn’t the proper way to handle the situation so he told all the people to leave the police station where they were protesting to have the man who was in jail out. Maybe more than 100 people, they all left. And what the white cop said was “WOW, no one man should have all that power”. They were terrified of him, you know? For being able to mobilize them, then to calm them down and make them leave. And I’m just thinking… power. That’s what power is. That’s not necessarily control, not controlling people in that sense, but true power is influence.

What are you passionate about?

A lot of things. I’m passionate about music, bougie intellectualism. I only call it bougie because you know, intellectualism is pretty bougie. I’m pretty theoretical and analytical and I’m really interested in theories of things and all that type of stuff. Also debating and discussing, hearing different people’s views and understanding where people come from. I’m also really interested in psychology and stuff like that. Neuroscience and stuff.

Do you think your upbringing influenced these passions?

Yeah, I think definitely. I was born in West Africa but umm, I moved to America when I was three years old. And my parents definitely encouraged me to do well in school and all that stuff, but I think that when you come from another country, your parents don’t come here to fuck around and you don’t come here to fuck around either. You’re already here chillin’, doing your thing. But I just got here, my whole family just got here, I’m first generation. We’re here to make money or educate ourselves. We’re here for a purpose. So we don’t fuck around, we have a purpose. Either you do something or you don’t.

What do you think of relationships? Platonic, sexual or otherwise.

I think relationships are great. They’re obviously extremely complicated and multifaceted. The structure of relationships are different, obviously between homonormative people and heteronormative people. There’s a big whole new free love movement that’s happening, that kind of happened in the 70s. Queers are taking over the free love movement which right now I think is manifesting itself as polyamory and open relationships and things like that. I think that’s cool. People can do what they want to do.

What are you most afraid of for yourself?

Uhhh… I’m afraid of people I love dying. More so than dying myself.

What do you think of death?

Death doesn’t scare me all that much. Pain scares me more than death. When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. I don’t want to die, you know. I got things I want to accomplish before I die. I think death is more horrifying and sad when you’re still alive and other people die. What scares me about death is more about the pain you have to go through to reach death.

If you could tell your fifteen-year-old self anything, what would it be?

Stop smoking so much weed. Yeah, probably. I started smoking weed when I was young. It was a weird time. I ended up still doing ok in school. It was a secret really, but really that was the culture I was in, growing up where I was.

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