exploring vulnerability and transparency one bath at a time

Tag: Drugs

Julie Outrage

Julie Outrage


Date of Interview: August 20, 2016

Name: Julie Outrage

Age: 28

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Location: Washington, DC


If you were an underwater creature, which one would you be?

I would be a shark. ‘Cuz they’re like, the king of the ocean and I want to be the king, ya know?

Do you feeling like having power and being in control of your life is important to you?

I don’t think that there’s any possibility of having control of your life. So I don’t really mind not having control over things. I’m not a very controlling person in general, but I do like having power. Yeah. Power is strength more than it is control, power is influence. I remember this quote, I was listening to this Kanye West song where the line goes, “no one man should have that much power.” And I was recently reading one of the Malcolm X speeches and I didn’t think Kanye took it from there, but maybe he did because the quote is in there. When the black Islamic group began with Malcolm X, there was a man who was arrested by the police and Malcolm X showed up at the prison with a TON of people and the police were freaked. They were terrified because the black people were mobilized. They were completely fucking horrified. The police were like, “What’s happening? Why are all of these black people here?” and they discussed what was happening with Malcolm X. Malcolm X decided that bringing the group wasn’t the proper way to handle the situation so he told all the people to leave the police station where they were protesting to have the man who was in jail out. Maybe more than 100 people, they all left. And what the white cop said was “WOW, no one man should have all that power”. They were terrified of him, you know? For being able to mobilize them, then to calm them down and make them leave. And I’m just thinking… power. That’s what power is. That’s not necessarily control, not controlling people in that sense, but true power is influence.

What are you passionate about?

A lot of things. I’m passionate about music, bougie intellectualism. I only call it bougie because you know, intellectualism is pretty bougie. I’m pretty theoretical and analytical and I’m really interested in theories of things and all that type of stuff. Also debating and discussing, hearing different people’s views and understanding where people come from. I’m also really interested in psychology and stuff like that. Neuroscience and stuff.

Do you think your upbringing influenced these passions?

Yeah, I think definitely. I was born in West Africa but umm, I moved to America when I was three years old. And my parents definitely encouraged me to do well in school and all that stuff, but I think that when you come from another country, your parents don’t come here to fuck around and you don’t come here to fuck around either. You’re already here chillin’, doing your thing. But I just got here, my whole family just got here, I’m first generation. We’re here to make money or educate ourselves. We’re here for a purpose. So we don’t fuck around, we have a purpose. Either you do something or you don’t.

What do you think of relationships? Platonic, sexual or otherwise.

I think relationships are great. They’re obviously extremely complicated and multifaceted. The structure of relationships are different, obviously between homonormative people and heteronormative people. There’s a big whole new free love movement that’s happening, that kind of happened in the 70s. Queers are taking over the free love movement which right now I think is manifesting itself as polyamory and open relationships and things like that. I think that’s cool. People can do what they want to do.

What are you most afraid of for yourself?

Uhhh… I’m afraid of people I love dying. More so than dying myself.

What do you think of death?

Death doesn’t scare me all that much. Pain scares me more than death. When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. I don’t want to die, you know. I got things I want to accomplish before I die. I think death is more horrifying and sad when you’re still alive and other people die. What scares me about death is more about the pain you have to go through to reach death.

If you could tell your fifteen-year-old self anything, what would it be?

Stop smoking so much weed. Yeah, probably. I started smoking weed when I was young. It was a weird time. I ended up still doing ok in school. It was a secret really, but really that was the culture I was in, growing up where I was.

Lauren Dove

Lauren Dove


Date of Interview: June 15, 2016

Name: Lauren Dove

Age: 27

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Location: Washington, DC


Do you enjoy living in DC?

I want to stay in DC. I do, I like DC. I moved here around August, and with how things have turned out I’m planning on staying for awhile.

Where did you move here from?

I moved here from Seattle. I was living in Seattle for a year. So… my partner, John, is in the military and got stationed here, so, yeah. And I knew somebody in the Lamont Street Collective, and got in touch with them saying. “look, I’m here in this area.” Came down here and started hanging out, now I’m working in Mt. Pleasant.

Are you passionate about art or activism?

I am passionate about both! I have an art degree. I try to be active where it matters. where it counts. I’ve been kind of active since I’ve been in DC. Medical marijuana activism and marijuana legalization activism. I use substances often, I use marijuana daily and then use other substances… uh… “as needed.” Kind of like recreationally. Mostly like, acid and mushrooms. I use them to understand myself more. And uhh… marijuana I use mainly to treat my bipolar disorder. Any kind of, anything that alters my mind, I try to use substances accordingly. In concurrence with my bipolar disorder, either using it to bring myself down, or to balance myself out in some way. I try to do it in some responsible manner, and from a deep place or self-awareness. No willy-nilly using.

Have you ever had a breakthrough, using substances with mental health?

Oh absolutely. I think that the first time I used LSD was a life changing experience. And that was three years ago, probably. I was in Colorado, and it was negative 25 degrees outside, and I tripped in my house by myself. And I ended up going on the most incredible walk. Like six good hours by myself of just tripping in my house. And most of it was spent looking at things, listening to records, internalizing a lot. It was really beautiful and hard to explain. It was one of those things… I’m not spiritual at all, or religious, but if I could say anything was remotely spiritual in my life, it would be that first LSD trip.

What do you think is one of the most prominent things you’ve learned about yourself?

I’ve learned that… that I can’t quite do what other people do. Let me give you some context. A couple years ago, I was living in Philadelphia and had some really great opportunities working in design and had a career kind of going for me, but I learned from that, and the immediate post-college graduate experience, trying to find a job, trying to make a name for myself, umm… ’cause that’s what you’re supposed to do… You’re supposed to graduate, get out, do what you went to school for, and be successful… And instead of that happening, was actually I was on prescription medication for a long time with my psychiatrist and I had a COMPLETE break. And one of the things I’ve learned about myself in the past couple years, is that I can’t DO things the way that normal people do. I understand my limits in a much better way. And I realize that, you know, sleep is important. Umm, that an office job is just certainly not for me. I’ve suffered a couple mini mental collapses to be where I am at the moment, and whether that involves drugs or not, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But what I have learned is that I can’t do things the way that other people can do. I can’t drink. Drinking will send me into the hospital. Drinking will actually give me a really bad mental response. So I avoid alcohol. It’s been weird, my life has been really weird. Sequence of trial and error. And a lot of the errors that most people do in their everyday life, but for whatever reason I fucking can’t, so… you know, it’s fine. I’ve learned what works, and what doesn’t, and I’m much happier for it. Instead of trying to force something, which is what I was doing for a long period of time.

What are you most afraid of for yourself?

I’m actually afraid, or mildly afraid, of success. Career success, typically. Because I won’t know what to do with myself. I feel like that might be the nail in the coffin. If I actually succeed in my career… then I’ll be miserable. That’s actually my greatest fear. Everything else, I feel like I’ve dealt with before. So basically, fear of the unknown. So maybe it won’t happen, and I’ll live fearless. I don’t know.

Evan Goldberg



Date of Interview: June 2, 2016

Name: Evan Goldberg

Age: 30

Pronouns: He/Him/His

Location: Washington, DC


Are you drawn to dark and broken things?

Oh fuck yes. Absolutely. I don’t know why, but I have a sick fantasy of saving someone. And like, I actually appreciate people who have darkness in them, cuz I relate. I’ve been through shit. When someone is dark and you can see it, even if they try to hide it, that’s an awesome sign of vulnerability that I appreciate.

What are you passionate about?

I don’t want to say basketball ‘cuz that’s kind of lame. Dude, just like… self discovery. You know? And learning how to do shit. Understanding that bad shit is gonna happen, but having the ability to work though it. And hopefully learn something from it.

What is the most difficult thing you’ve worked though? 

Woooooooh. I mean recently… I guess that broad who was my girlfriend. You know? Planning on having a baby, and her being pregnant, and she couldn’t stop doing heroin. She got a super late term abortion. SO for like 5 months and some change, thinking I was gonna have a kid and I was all excited. And even knowing that she’s relapsing while she’s pregnant… So that loss sucked. But I figure it just wasn’t meant to be.

What is your greatest strength when it comes to working through things?

Just trying to trust that it’s the way things should be. That it’s the way things are going to be. That it’s the way things are meant to be.

What is your biggest accomplishment?

Owning my own business. That’s my biggest accomplishment. Taking a business from… on the verge of bankruptcy to thriving. So I mean, I almost took it down again, you know? Because I couldn’t stop fucking blowing coke in the bathroom. You know, not showing up for weeks… But now it’s up again and doing amazing. And that’s my biggest accomplishment.

Do you have any thoughts on love?

Yeah, I want to be in love. So bad. I want to be in love SO BAD. I just don’t think I have the ability to. Commitment is my biggest fear, not just that though, my biggest fear is loving someone so hard and falling out of love 10 years later. That’s why I don’t know if I believe in marriage. I see so many people get divorced, you know. Being discontent in a marriage seems like fucking hell. And I’m just too afraid of that. I’ve never met a girl that makes me think different, but the hope that I will is definitely still there. I’ve got some corny, like hopeless romantic in me. Corny as FUCK. But at the same time, I don’t even want a girlfriend. I don’t think I want to get married. I do want to have kids but we can just be friends after. ::laughs::.

What is your biggest fear for the world?

Dude it’s easy man, the world is dying. I’m afraid that we’re destroying Mother Earth. Because we are. But she’s going to fight back. Mother Earth’s to fucking strong. She’s to strong an entity. And she’s GOING to fight back against the fucking plague, against the fucking virus that is the human race. We are parasites. You know? We take land and destroy it and move on. She’s gonna fight back and it’s going to be some sort of sickness or like some sort of crazy ass shit that goes down. Not in our lifetime but that’s what I strongly believe. She’s not going to just go down. She’s going to wipe us out and we deserve that.

If you could say anything to your 15 year old self what would it be?

Dealing drugs isn’t cool. You’re not going to make it BIG TIME. You’re too much of a pussy. Stop. Yeah dude, get your shit together. Don’t fail out of school, stop getting high all the time. And dealing drugs ISN’T FUCKING COOL, you aren’t like, THE man. Dumbass.

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