THEBATHTUBPROJECT

exploring vulnerability and transparency one bath at a time

Tag: Hope

Court

Court

 

Date of Interview: January 26, 2017

Name: Court

Age: 24

Pronouns: Court

Location: Washington, DC

 

If you were an underwater creature which one would you be?

This is a tricky one. Because I very strongly identify with rodents and I’m also terrified of the sea. It’s one of my biggest.. well I respect it, but I’m just so scared of it that I don’t think I can be involved with the sea in any way. So I’m just a rodent. Rodent, you know.

How do you describe yourself?

OH boy, okay. Court. Number one, just Court. I am Court, I go through so many phases of thinking and existing and wanting to exist and dressing because gender… ::laughs::. Gender is a lot. It’s fun and exciting. I think of myself very strongly as kind and anxious and a Libra. I can’t go a day without talking and thinking about how being a Libra affects so much of my life. With striving for balance between wanting justice and harmony all the time… I can’t be in any situation, including being by myself without always trying to achieve a harmony. And you can’t achieve harmony between all things all at once, you can’t even do it for 20 things all at once so I’m very dreamy and distractible and optimistic despite how I feel sometimes. And also, just… I’m very proud of myself. That’s been something I’ve been feeling lately so my words to describe myself have become more plentiful as well as more confident.

What are you proud of?

I have Lyme disease and a lot of other health problems, including concussions. A lot of them. And I have been through so much and I have done so much to keep myself going. I have taken care of myself SO well. I have fought a fucking battle within my body, so many battles because once again, gender. It’s always there. And I am getting better! I have had three doctors in the past day, all tell me that I am on the mend, that they can feel my spirit inside of me again, well not that, that just came out of my mouth ::laughs::. Um, I’m getting better and I fucking did it.

What are you passionate about?

This is also something I think about all the time. I’m passionate about animals. Forever and always, that is the most solid part of me, at the core of who I am. But real quick, I must mention that I’m passionate about people too. It’s something I’ve been realizing lately and I’ve become more compassionate about other people’s passions. That is, a lot of times, something I do already love- what other people love, who I am close to. But my own passions involve animals and building and creating communities and connections. And fucking with gender. Yeah.

What is something you struggle with?

Surviving and helping other people survive patriarchy and capitalism and white supremacy. That’s become the core, well, it’s always been at the core of my struggles and everybody’s struggles. But that one right now in particular is eclipsing my ability to look at personal struggles. Including staying in touch with myself, maintaining connections to my past selves and building the ones with my future selves. So yeah, balancing the horrors of capitalism. And also my own uhh… the self-growth that I want in a world that isn’t within capitalism.

What are your thoughts on relationships? Platonic, sexual and otherwise.

I mean my thoughts are basically in line with the hope for the community I want. I really try to break down hierarchies in relationships and also in that, embracing fluidity in romance, platonic relationships and sexual ones and just… I mean, physical and non-sexual and romantic as a friend! You can experience relationships in so many different ways and in individual ways. Every person I meet, I am excited to embark upon discovering a relationship with them. They’re all different for me and I think so much that we have to recognize is that each relationship should be healing. That’s what I want out of a relationship.

What is something you’re hopeful for?

Okay, I’m going to take a break from talking about capitalism and gender because we can have entire lives that have nothing to do with that. Roll my eyes at myself… Um. What am I hopeful for… I am hopeful for the community that I really want to build, specifically in D.C. I just want to be a part of people recognizing what they need, and have others recognize what they need and being able to help one another reach those needs. Giving people attention and love and space to dump what they need to, talk about what they need to. I am hopeful for the chance to be a part of a community that values practices of intentionality and communication and care.

Nenet

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Date of Interview: May 31, 2016

Name: Nenet

Age: 29

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Location: Washington, DC

 

Do you have any opinions on how women and femme people are portrayed and treated by the media and by humans in general?

Well I think that with women, it’s aimed at women have to always please. And be willing. And that is very intense and aggressive. I don’t roll with that. I think it’s very hard to have to do that all the time and it’s very invasive and very unfair. The media is pretty sick and a little to much is twisted and I think its not good, it creates a lot of strain and pressure for young people. I think it should be regulated; it’s a little criminal to expose people to that.

Do you think where you grew up impacts these opinions and their growth?

YES. Yes, I grew up in Argentina and it’s a very macho oriented culture where there is only one type of women and that’s where you should fit in. If you have short hair, you’re just weird. If you’re different, you’re just weird. If you’re whatever, you’re just weird. And they will let you know that you’re out of line. I remember walking into places from my teen years to early 20s and you were REALLY supposed to look one way. And it was really scary, I really couldn’t fit. Everyone wore one brand of jeans, one length of hair, one disposition. You really had to tone yourself down and just be giggly and willing and coordinated, and everyone had to look the same. That’s my memory of that.

When did you move to the US?

I moved to the US three years ago. I had a boyfriend and I followed him…

That kind of leads into my next question… what are your thoughts on
relationship dynamics, especially when coming from different cultures?

Well… I’ve thought a lot about that, since I’m here and since I was in a long relationship with someone who was American, and white and cis and male. I think, and I actually wrote about this today, that’s how current this topic is for me, you are desirable when you can be looked at and lust upon. You’re a curiosity and it kind of doesn’t matter where you’re from as long as you’re foreign and seemingly exotic. And so now it’s really hard to filter people because they ask questions about your country and immediately seem really interested if you’re foreign. Especially Latinas. Latinas are kind of displayed in a certain way. So I have a lot of people, actually men. I have a lot of MEN asking me how sassy I was, or if I would like, if you PARTY and I also felt like that’s really weird and they’re really weird and they were kind of already objectifying me already. So yeah, I was really not into it. I think if you grow up in a place and spend a good 25 years in one country and move, you’re thinking that it’s going to be different and it’s OH WOW because it’s not. I thought that if people or anyone would be interested in dating someone from another country or culture, they would be actually interested, not as a token. Like, “it’s my Argentine girlfriend and she’s so awesome and EXOTIC”. I really had full on encounters and conversations that didn’t really go beyond that. Like “Oh, she’s foreign, you know, got it”. There was no real interest in anything. No one cared about my passions and who I am.

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

I wrote a play earlier this year. And I was satisfied with that. I think it allowed me to move forward towards being a more responsible creative person. Where I’m actually committed to the things I do and can follow through. There’s the start and the end, which is really cool.

What are you most afraid of for yourself?

I am afraid of… Something really silly. I am afraid of not showing up to work. Part of it is because I did it before. I just thought I can’t go on with this. It has nothing to do with who I am or what I want other than money and paying the rent. It’s a trivial thing, but it’s the first thing that came to mind. It’s real.

What are you most afraid of for the world?

Conservative, backwards people and how they are taking control. They are able to influence people all of a sudden and get to people. They get to people that are scared and this is really frightening that they get control of official things, like a whole political party. Especially here, but it’s happening in other parts of the world too, but more rapidly here.

What does your personal utopia look like?

I actually don’t think utopias exist. I don’t think they fully conform to humans as we are, we are not all inherently good, I can’t really believe that. So I don’t think a utopia is possible, there are to many of us, we are a little late on that. But I think a better distribution on wealth and resources and opportunities would achieve something for mankind. But it will never really be a utopia.

Is there anything you are hopeful for in the world?

Is there hope… Hmm.. There’s always hope for good things. People keep creating. And keep doing things here and there. There are random acts of kindness and it’s really important to remember that.

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