THEBATHTUBPROJECT

exploring vulnerability and transparency one bath at a time

Tag: Nature

Court

Court

 

Date of Interview: January 26, 2017

Name: Court

Age: 24

Pronouns: Court

Location: Washington, DC

 

If you were an underwater creature which one would you be?

This is a tricky one. Because I very strongly identify with rodents and I’m also terrified of the sea. It’s one of my biggest.. well I respect it, but I’m just so scared of it that I don’t think I can be involved with the sea in any way. So I’m just a rodent. Rodent, you know.

How do you describe yourself?

OH boy, okay. Court. Number one, just Court. I am Court, I go through so many phases of thinking and existing and wanting to exist and dressing because gender… ::laughs::. Gender is a lot. It’s fun and exciting. I think of myself very strongly as kind and anxious and a Libra. I can’t go a day without talking and thinking about how being a Libra affects so much of my life. With striving for balance between wanting justice and harmony all the time… I can’t be in any situation, including being by myself without always trying to achieve a harmony. And you can’t achieve harmony between all things all at once, you can’t even do it for 20 things all at once so I’m very dreamy and distractible and optimistic despite how I feel sometimes. And also, just… I’m very proud of myself. That’s been something I’ve been feeling lately so my words to describe myself have become more plentiful as well as more confident.

What are you proud of?

I have Lyme disease and a lot of other health problems, including concussions. A lot of them. And I have been through so much and I have done so much to keep myself going. I have taken care of myself SO well. I have fought a fucking battle within my body, so many battles because once again, gender. It’s always there. And I am getting better! I have had three doctors in the past day, all tell me that I am on the mend, that they can feel my spirit inside of me again, well not that, that just came out of my mouth ::laughs::. Um, I’m getting better and I fucking did it.

What are you passionate about?

This is also something I think about all the time. I’m passionate about animals. Forever and always, that is the most solid part of me, at the core of who I am. But real quick, I must mention that I’m passionate about people too. It’s something I’ve been realizing lately and I’ve become more compassionate about other people’s passions. That is, a lot of times, something I do already love- what other people love, who I am close to. But my own passions involve animals and building and creating communities and connections. And fucking with gender. Yeah.

What is something you struggle with?

Surviving and helping other people survive patriarchy and capitalism and white supremacy. That’s become the core, well, it’s always been at the core of my struggles and everybody’s struggles. But that one right now in particular is eclipsing my ability to look at personal struggles. Including staying in touch with myself, maintaining connections to my past selves and building the ones with my future selves. So yeah, balancing the horrors of capitalism. And also my own uhh… the self-growth that I want in a world that isn’t within capitalism.

What are your thoughts on relationships? Platonic, sexual and otherwise.

I mean my thoughts are basically in line with the hope for the community I want. I really try to break down hierarchies in relationships and also in that, embracing fluidity in romance, platonic relationships and sexual ones and just… I mean, physical and non-sexual and romantic as a friend! You can experience relationships in so many different ways and in individual ways. Every person I meet, I am excited to embark upon discovering a relationship with them. They’re all different for me and I think so much that we have to recognize is that each relationship should be healing. That’s what I want out of a relationship.

What is something you’re hopeful for?

Okay, I’m going to take a break from talking about capitalism and gender because we can have entire lives that have nothing to do with that. Roll my eyes at myself… Um. What am I hopeful for… I am hopeful for the community that I really want to build, specifically in D.C. I just want to be a part of people recognizing what they need, and have others recognize what they need and being able to help one another reach those needs. Giving people attention and love and space to dump what they need to, talk about what they need to. I am hopeful for the chance to be a part of a community that values practices of intentionality and communication and care.

Sandy

Sandy

 

Date of Interview: January 4, 2017

Name: Sandy

Age: 42

Pronouns: She/Her

Location: Rockville, MD

 

How often do you bathe or shower?

That depends… I cycle through depression. If I am in a depressed mode, it’s more likely that I’m not going bathe. However, I have this really weird “thing”.  I will always make sure my puss and my butt are clean. SO those get cleaned every day. If I’m in an accident and something happens, my junk is cleaned up. The rest of me might not be ::laughs::. However, when I’m in a good phase, let’s say every day.

Do you feel like mental health correlates with your life in ways outside of bathing?

Yes, it does. I think that’s what helps me… it’s funny, I used to hate that I have depression. I also have a disorder called  trichotillomania. It’s a hair pulling disorder. Two in 50 people have it and it used to be the worst thing ever for me.  I used it unknowingly  to push people away, but now it seems to be the thing that can connect me to people. People come to me with their “stuff.” Even if it is different from my stuff, on some level I might get what they are going through. I feel all emotions really big and I like that. When I’m sad it can be awful and deep. However, I get the equivalent amount of feelings and depth when I’m happy. I appreciate that I can feel that fucking happy. Most people don’t feel as happy as I feel when I’m happy since many people tend to mute their emotions. It is impossible to mute just one emotion. When one mutes one, they mute them all. Feeling them so big  can be a gift and a curse. It can take up & impact a lot of my life. That said, when I see something beautiful, like when you came in and I was watching that gorgeous scene from American Beauty, I cry. I’m just so moved it can bring me to tears in a good way. I like it and I hate it.

What are you passionate about?

That’s a good question… Nature. I wasn’t raised that way but I always liked being outside. One day I saw a deer on the side of the road that was hit by a car. I did not see it get it. It was still alive. I ended up helping to save it. After we got it to safety in the woods, hours later I could not help but go back and check on it.  I slept in the woods with it for awhile. It was 1 in the morning but I needed to know that it was okay, which it was. It was this beautiful moment… there was a full moon. It was summer. He let me pet him and feed him….and the breeze… that moment was my most favorite, perfect moment in my life. After that, I became even more connected to nature. There’s just something there.  When I’m not feeling good, I can go out and ground myself and feel I’m a part of something. The world makes sense, and I make sense when I’m out there. I feel people don’t appreciate nature as much as they should. I hate that it’s being destroyed and I don’t think people get how important nature is.

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

Honestly, just embracing me and who I am as much as possible, as well as being okay with it. I feel when I’m out in the world with people I’m both extroverted and introverted. That said, there are many people when I am around them, I get the feeling I do not quite fit it. Most of the time it is something they said to me and I get they just do not get me, who I am, how I live my life, as well as what I stand for. I’m waiting to find a zipper on my body because I feel like an alien a lot of times when I don’t fit in. I can imagine finding the zipper and pulling off my human skin and underneath there is this other alien body exposed.  I can see myself saying, “This is why I don’t make sense to all of you!!” But there’s something about that. I feel accomplished because I have this inner part of me that’s beautiful, awesome, and makes sense to me. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else as long as it makes sense to me. I think that has allowed me to love myself. That’s a big fucking deal. Especially since I spent a lot of my time hating myself for many years. I worked hard for that.

What supported you with getting more comfortable with yourself?

I wonder if part of it was getting older and growing up.  I also took many self-development courses, was a coach, and I have a coach myself. Sometimes, we all get in our own way. When I do, sometimes I need someone to ask “what’s that about?” I needed guides to help me… ask questions I couldn’t ask or see what I couldn’t, or see what was in my way. Meditating in the woods helped me a great deal. A lot of amazing people showed up for me.  I feel like they had little red bows on them. They were gifts to me, even if they were temporary gifts. I had a lot of good supportive people. I still do.  I think that, as well as being ready. I was ready or it would not have happened otherwise.

What is something you still struggle with?

Probably my body. I’m working very hard at accepting where it is at. I have been a lot bigger than I am now, 35-40 lbs bigger. I do get some of our bodies shift due to age. ::laughs:: Intellectually I get it.  I was sick on and off for two years and my body is the product of that.  I was honoring where it was at by allowing it to rest a lot more, and work out less. It’s still a beautiful body… it’s just a little bit different than it was and it may not go back. I struggle with that.  For instance, these are my big boobs now and I don’t like them this big. I like smaller breasts.  However, this is where they are at and it is what it is.

What do you want to do this year?

I want to create positive energy this year. I’m looking forward to being outside more. I want to be in the woods more. I’m looking forward to that. I feel this is a scary time for a lot of people. I would love to collectively create something that would feel supportive and positive for others, a safe space. Or even myself if I should need it. I want to have fun too. I want to have fucking fun! I want to see live music, embrace my inner child and go roller skating! I want to create adventure, love, self-love, support, health, prosperity, and so much more.

Jen Sanders

Jen Sanders

 

Date of Interview: September 21, 2016

Name: Jen Sanders

Age: 30

Pronouns: It

Location: Philadelphia, PA

 

What underwater creature would you be?

I am underwater and I am a creature. So I always try to put myself in water, so I feel like there’s definitely a history of something there. Like I’m getting back to a primordial creature. Yeah, I’ve lived near rivers a lot and the ocean a lot but I guess if I wanted to be another creature, I would probably be some weird looking coral spongy thing that would just chill and suck ::laughs::.

What are you passionate about?

Water. Plants. Love and connection too. I guess nature. So people and plants and the earth. It’s kinda, it’s depressing and sad when people try to, people that are in a position to own destructive materials, try to get more of those destructive materials and constantly fuck the earth without giving back to it. Just all of the taking instead of the give and take. So I’m very passionate about being completely pissed off about that ::laughs::.

How do these passions play into your daily life?

I mean, it plays a lot into everything, I have two kids so I’m constantly thinking about feeding them and feeding myself, and where that food is going to come from. Mostly, and we always hope that it comes in a very stripped down kind of way. You know, basic fruits and vegetables and grains. So, that’s the first thing that I think of but I also have a very deep relationship with plants where I feel like I do love them and they love us. Like there’s a lot of energy exchange. And I like to give that exchange and take that exchange, it’s like a gentle fucking. And I think that I’m always wanting to look at a plant, I always want to be near one and be touching one. But I guess that’s the same with people too. I have a lot of time by myself that I give myself because of my job and my life and the way that I put myself out to people, it’s good to have time and give time to yourself. So you can kind of restore that energy that you’re going to exchange, with whatever.

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

Figuring out that I like to take baths. Figuring out that I genuinely do have a really positive way of connecting with people, and I really care about people and nature, and I’m really invested in life and the environment and the world. And you know, I’m also a huge hypocrite and sometimes I get my recycling fucked up and you know, I could go on about that guilt but I think accomplishing happiness is really important as you get older. And I’ve been able to find that through music and through art and meeting people that feel the same way. So accomplishing happiness in a really fucked up world is pretty impressive ::laughs::.

What are you most afraid of for the world?

I’m a little bit scared of death because I have two kids and I would be sad… I’m not ready to die and it sucks when things are dying and I see that in the world right now. I see water supplies poisoned and people still getting killed innocently and children in Syria that are parentless… it’s a worldwide stretch for something that is just not available and to me, it seems like the answer could be solved if we really look at greed as a factor in the unhappiness for most of the people in the world. But I think that people are starting to look at it, so maybe things are looking up. But I guess we’ll see.

What are you afraid of for yourself?

For myself… I guess, maybe starving or getting the wrong treatment that I don’t deserve with death. Like, I don’t want to be shot or raped or killed to early. I feel like there’s a lot of living left to do so I worry about having a shortened unfair death.

What are your thoughts on relationships? Platonic, sexual or otherwise.

Oooooo relationships. I’ve been in relationships, relationships are really tough, I’m in one right now. They’re great and I like having a lot of fun with people and sometimes I extend fun into showing sexual… like showing and maybe sharing to much. When it gets physical and intimate it’s hard treating the primary partner, it’s hard being exclusive when you want to extend the fun into other ways where you’re physically expressing love instead of vocally. So that’s where I’ve found difficulty with relationships, but I do enjoy having friends I’m not attracted to and don’t think about sleeping with. I think that closing it off and saying that it’s one thing kind of makes things awkward. Yeah, relationships are difficult for me ::laughs:: I want to flow. I want water… clean water ::laughs::.

What is something beautiful that you’ve seen today?

Your hair.

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